


Kiss Me, I Don't Care If It Hurts

by vernonsgf



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, hoo boy..., it's a little bit heavy but not too much dw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-22 00:32:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8266142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vernonsgf/pseuds/vernonsgf
Summary: Jihoon’s cheeks turn to cherries, but he takes the jacket anyways. He’s absolutely swimming in it, something he thought wouldn’t even happen because Soonyoung isn’t that much bigger than him, but then he remembers that Soonyoung loves buying clothes too big for himself. Soonyoung takes his hand again, wrapping his fingers around Jihoon’s shirt-covered palm.





	

“Your hands are so cold.” Soonyoung says.

Jihoon snatches his hand out of Soonyoung’s grasp, pulling his sleeves down hastily until they wrap around his fingers. He ignores the heat that’s rising to his face and the way that the air shakes as it leaves his lungs.

“I told you to wear gloves.” Soonyoung says, oblivious to the fact that Jihoon is falling apart in front of him.

They’re sitting together on a bench in the park closest to their dorm. The air around them is still, still enough that Jihoon can feel his own flustered energy radiating off of him in waves. Soonyoung remains obliviously watching the coffee cups that sit in between them, the liquid inside shaking with every fidget and twitch.

“Couldn’t find any.” Jihoon says, wringing his hand together through the sleeves of his oversized shirt.

“You should have at least worn something warmer than just a thin shirt.” Soonyoung says. And then he’s shrugging off his coat and handing it to Jihoon. “Here. I’m wearing a sweater and a scarf. You need this more than I do.”

Jihoon’s cheeks turn to cherries, but he takes the jacket anyways. He’s absolutely swimming in it, something he thought wouldn’t even happen because Soonyoung isn’t that much bigger than him, but then he remembers that Soonyoung loves buying clothes too big for himself. Soonyoung takes his hand again, wrapping his fingers around Jihoon’s shirt-covered palm.

“I can’t drink my coffee if you hold my hand like this.” Jihoon says, clearing his throat after hearing how shaky it is.

“That’s okay.” Soonyoung teases. A smile graces his face and Jihoon feels his heart leap up into his throat.

Jihoon clears his throat again.

“How are you doing, Jihoon? You’ve been quiet lately, quieter than usual.” Soonyoung says, all signs of teasing replaced by a worried tone and concerned expression.

Jihoon wants the world to swallow him whole. He thought he was getting better at hiding his feelings, at hiding everything that he was bottling up inside, threatening to spill out of him. Soonyoung’s hand tightens around his, sensing Jihoon’s want to pull away and curl into himself.

“I’ve just been stressed. Don’t worry about me, Soonyoung. You have enough on your plate, you don’t need to add me to it.” Jihoon says. Soonyoung shakes his head, but he doesn’t say anything.

Soonyoung holds onto Jihoon until he remembers that they have drinks sitting in between them that will get cold if they don’t drink them. He lets go of Jihoon’s hand, taking both of their drinks and then sliding closer to Jihoon. He turns to face away from Jihoon and rests his head on his shoulder. When Jihoon doesn’t immediately wrap his arm around Soonyoung, he knows that something is wrong.

“Talk to me, Jihoon. It’s more than stress, isn’t it?” Soonyoung says. Jihoon’s fingers card through Soonyoung’s hair reluctantly, and Soonyoung can feel the cold from his fingertips seeping into his skull.

“I’m just,” Jihoon hesitates.

“Is it something that I did?” Soonyoung says. Jihoon wants to whine, wants to let the whimpers that he’s holding in his throat loose.

“Of course not.” Jihoon says. He shakes his head and Soonyoung can feel Jihoon’s hair brushing against his own as he does. “I did something. Something I shouldn’t have.”

Soonyoung sits upright, careful to not jostle the cups sitting in his lap. “What did you do, Jihoon? Did you kill someone? Do you need me to help hide the body? Because, you know I would do that for you, right?” Soonyoung says.

“Jesus, Soonyoung, no. I fell in love when I wasn’t supposed to.” Jihoon says. Soonyoung slumps in his seat.

“Oh. That’s not too bad. Who is it? Seungcheol? Joshua will cut your head off.” Soonyoung says.

This infuriates Jihoon. He stands up and clenches his fists underneath Soonyoung’s jacket that’s still wrapped so nicely around his body. He feels too hot now, but he won’t take it off, not if it belongs to Soonyoung.

“What happened to you as a child to make you so dense?” Jihoon snaps. “It’s you, you big idiot. I fell in love with you.”

He turns around and stalks off, leaving Soonyoung sitting on a park bench with two cups of cold coffee in his hands.

The ground is covered in dead, crunching leaves, but the weather feels more like winter than fall. Soonyoung walks alone with his hands shoved in his pockets for what feels like the first time in an eternity. He’s so used to walking with Jihoon by his side, hands brushing lightly as they walked, that walking by himself feels like something he’s never done before.

Jihoon thinks as he walks home. Loneliness isn’t like riding a bike. It takes time to get used to and it isn’t something that’s so easily adjusted to over and over again. His hand brushes Soonyoung’s as they pass each other on the sidewalk, walking in opposite directions and both staring at their own feet. The same sparks that he’s always felt jolt through his body and bring tears to his eyes. The jacket wrapped around his body still smells like Soonyoung.

“Jihoon, wait.” He hears after having walked a few steps past their point of intersection.

He turns around, the first thing he sees being Soonyoung with tears running down his cheeks.

“I miss you.” Soonyoung says.

Compared to the usually stable and lean frame that Jihoon has burned into the back of his eyes, he looks small, and his shoulders are shaking. Jihoon wants to run to him, wrap Soonyoung up in his arms and apologize for running away, for confessing, for screwing everything up. But he stays planted in his spot, just staring.

“I miss you, too, Soonyoung.” Jihoon says. He can feel tears welling in his eyes, but he wills himself not to cry. And this time it actually works.

Soonyoung takes a few steps towards him, testing how far he can go. Jihoon doesn’t stop him, not even when their noses are touching and he can feel Soonyoung’s breath fanning over his lips. He closes his eyes and curls his lips into his mouth. He’s choking back tears now, just barely holding them in.

“I don’t want you to cry because of me anymore, Jihoon.” Soonyoung says. He wraps his arms around Jihoon. It seems to create some sort of shield between the two of them and the rest of the world. It’s like Jihoon could be safe and sound if he just stayed in Soonyoung’s arms for the rest of his life.

“Tell me how to stop it. Tell me how to stop making you cry.” Soonyoung says. Jihoon laughs, laughter that sounds oddly like sobbing.

“You’re the one crying.” Jihoon says. He tilts his head down, staring at his hands that are caged in between their bodies. Trapped in between Soonyoung’s chest and his.

“I can’t help it. I tried so hard to stop loving you but it hurts too much.” Jihoon leans forward to slot their lips together. It’s an awkward mess of salty and wet, and it totally doesn’t register in Soonyoung’s brain that Jihoon is kissing him so he keeps talking, mumbling against Jihoon’s lips. “I love you so much, Jihoon. I’m so sorry that I made you cry. I’m sorry that I made you hurt like that.”

Jihoon pulls away from him. “Just shut up. Shut up and let me love you. Let me take your pain away.” Jihoon says.

Soonyoung nods and then there are lips smashing up against his again. This time, it’s a mess, but a beautiful one. Soonyoung can taste every bit of Jihoon, the sweetness of his lips dissolving on Soonyoung’s tongue and being replaced by Soonyoung’s own taste. They stand there, lips sliding together, perfectly fit for each other, in the freezing cold of late autumn. Soonyoung’s tears stop and their kissing turns into pulling and pushing against each other, making up for lost time and pointless spilled tears.

“Can I take your pain away, too?” Soonyoung asks when the space between them becomes evident again.

Jihoon nods. “You can take anything you want from me. I’m yours, Soonyoung Kwon. Pain and all.” Jihoon whispers.

Soonyoung’s grip on Jihoon tightens. “And I’m yours. Pain and all.” Soonyoung repeats.

It feels like wedding vows, like something that belongs to something bigger and more important. To them, this is the most important moment in their lives. Standing in the middle of the sidewalk holding each other and kissing each other until they’re filled to the brim with nothing but love.

**Author's Note:**

> am i as gay as jihoon?  
> did i really just use a bts lyric as a title?  
> am i as gay soonyoung?  
> the answer to all of those questions is yes


End file.
